Why Can’t My Child Follow Instructions? (And How to Help Kids Succeed)

Written by Dr Lucy Russell DClinPsyc CPsychol AFBPsS

“Put your shoes on, grab your bag, don’t forget your water bottle, and make sure you’ve got your homework.”

Many children can manage this kind of instruction. But for a neurodivergent child, it can feel like trying to solve four puzzles at the same time, with some of the pieces missing.

If your child is autistic, has ADHD, dyslexia or sensory processing differences, they may find it genuinely hard to follow instructions. It’s not defiance or laziness. It’s that their brain is processing things in a different way.

As a clinical psychologist, I’ve worked with hundreds of families facing this exact challenge. The way we give instructions makes a huge difference. When we adjust our approach, many children become calmer, more cooperative and more confident.

Why Can’t My Child Follow Instructions?

Understanding why your child struggles is the first step to helping them succeed. Let’s look at some of the reasons why your child can’t follow instructions very well right now.

Executive Function Challenges in Neurodivergent Children

Executive function is the brain’s ability to plan, organise, remember and get started on tasks, and many neurodivergent children find this difficult.

They may:

• Forget the steps they’ve been told
• Get stuck on the first part of the task
• Struggle to switch between tasks

If you give three or four steps at once, your child might only hear the first one. Or they might get overwhelmed and do nothing at all.

Literal Thinking and Slow Processing

Some children take longer to make sense of spoken information. Others take things very literally.

If you say, “Keep an eye on the time,” they may not realise you mean “Look at the clock now and then.” If you say, “Pull your socks up,” they might think you’re talking about their clothes, not effort.

Distraction and Sensory Overload

Noise, light, movement or uncomfortable clothing can all take over your child’s attention.

Even a ticking clock or background conversation might make it hard for them to listen or stay focused.

Open-Ended Instructions and “Decision Paralysis”

Some instructions feel too vague or offer too many options. This can leave neurodivergent children feeling stuck before they even start.

When you say, “Tidy your room,” your child’s brain might flood with questions: Where do I start? What counts as tidy? Do I put the books away first or the toys? Should I make the bed or pick up clothes?

Instead of choosing one step and beginning, they may freeze. The instruction feels too big and too unclear. Their brain can’t filter through all the possible options to find a starting point.

Anxiety and Fear of Getting It Wrong

If your child has been corrected a lot, or often feels overwhelmed, they might freeze as soon as they hear a request. They may want to do the right thing but feel stuck or panicked.

Why Children With ADHD Struggle to Follow Instructions

Children with ADHD often find it easier to start tasks that are fun or rewarding right away. If the outcome feels distant or dull, they may struggle to get going. A small reward or a bit of choice can make a big difference.

How to Help Neurodivergent Children Follow Instructions

Small, intentional changes to how you communicate can make instructions much easier for your child to understand and act on.

Break Down Instructions Into Simple Steps

Give one or two steps at a time instead of long sequences.

Instead of: “Get ready for school”

Try:

• “Put on your uniform. I’ve laid it out on the bed for you.” (pause, wait)
• “Now pack your bag.” (pause, wait)
• “Next, fill your water bottle.”

Keep instructions short and clear. One or two steps at a time is usually enough.

Use Visual Schedules for Neurodivergent Kids

Many children benefit from seeing the steps, not just hearing them.

You could try:

• A picture schedule on the wall
• A checklist they can tick off
• A simple “first–then” board (e.g. First: brush teeth. Then: watch TV)

These help your child know what to do, what’s coming next and when they’ve finished.

Use Clear, Literal Language for Autistic and ADHD Children

Avoid idioms, sarcasm or hints. Say exactly what you mean.

Instead of: “Let’s not make a mountain out of a molehill”

Say: “This is a small problem, not a big one.”

Instead of: “Can you grab your things?”

Say: “Please pick up your backpack and coat.”

Create Predictable Routines at Home

When your child knows what to expect, they don’t have to work so hard to stay on track.

Try to:

• Use the same words for instructions each time
• Keep daily routines in the same order
• Give a warning before changes or transitions

This gives your child a sense of safety and control.

Give One Instruction at a Time

If your child finds it hard to hold multiple steps in their mind, don’t stack instructions.

Say one thing, pause, wait for completion, then give the next.

Offer Choices to Support Motivation

Choice builds motivation and a sense of control.

Try:

• “Do you want to get dressed first or brush your teeth first?”
• “Shall I set the timer for 5 minutes or 10?”

Let Them Move While Listening

Some children need to move while thinking. That might look like standing up, bouncing on a cushion, or walking around while listening.

Build in short breaks between steps. For example: “Five minutes of homework, then a quick movement break.”

Give Specific Praise for Effort

Be specific in your praise. Notice what went well, even if it was just one part of the task.

Try:

• “You came to the table the first time I asked. That helped a lot.”
• “You remembered to bring your book bag today. That’s great progress.”

Help Your Child Follow Instructions: Tailored Strategies by Diagnosis

Different types of neurodivergence require slightly different approaches.

How to Help Autistic Children With Instructions

• Use exact, literal language
• Give visual supports they can return to
• Stick to clear routines and consistent steps
• Use special interests to build motivation

How to Help Children with ADHD Follow Instructions

• Keep instructions short and simple
• Use timers, reminders or countdowns
• Allow movement while listening
• Give frequent small rewards
• Break tasks into smaller chunks

Supporting Children with Dyslexia or Language Difficulties To Follow Instructions

• Pair spoken instructions with pictures or gestures
• Highlight key words using colour
• Give extra time for your child to process what you’ve said
• Check understanding by asking them to explain it back

Helping Your Child Become Independent With Instructions

Building independence takes time and happens in gradual stages.

You might need to guide your child closely at first. Over time, you can gradually reduce your help as they build confidence.

Try this approach:

1. Do it with them. Work through the task together
2. Let them try some steps while you stay nearby
3. Supervise but don’t step in. Give them space to problem-solve
4. Let them complete the task alone and check it afterwards
5. Step back fully. Trust them to manage independently

Celebrate each new bit of independence, no matter how small.

When to Get Professional Help

Some children need more than what you can offer at home. You may want to seek help if:

• Your child gets upset often when asked to do things
• There’s little progress, even with support
• Daily life is becoming very stressful
• School is noticing the same difficulties

People who can help include:

• Occupational therapists
• Speech and language therapists (known in some countries as speech and language pathologists)
• Educational psychologists
• Therapists or clinical psychologists who help with anxiety or low confidence

The school may also be able to offer extra help or formal support plans.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I get my ADHD child to follow instructions at home?

Break tasks into small, clear steps. Use timers, visual aids, and let them move while listening. Avoid long verbal instructions. Offer immediate, tangible rewards for completed steps and give frequent encouragement. Children with ADHD respond well to novelty and choice, so mix up your approach and let them have input.

Why does my autistic child struggle with simple tasks like “get dressed”?

Autistic children often need literal, specific instructions and thrive on routine. Vague or multi-step commands like “get dressed” can cause confusion or overwhelm because they don’t break down what to do first, second, and third. Instead, try: “Put on your pants. Now put on your shirt.” Visual schedules also help autistic children understand the sequence and feel more in control.

What visual tools help neurodivergent kids follow directions?

Try picture schedules (photos or drawings showing each step), checklists they can tick off, “first, then” boards, or timers with visual countdowns. Visuals make tasks more predictable, reduce anxiety, and help children remember what comes next without relying solely on working memory.

When should I seek professional help for my child’s difficulty following instructions?

If your child regularly becomes distressed when asked to complete tasks, daily routines are unmanageable despite trying multiple strategies, or both home and school are struggling, it’s time to consult a professional. Occupational therapists, educational psychologists, and speech and language therapists can assess underlying challenges and provide targeted support.

What’s the difference between defiance and genuine difficulty following instructions?

Defiance is a choice to refuse, while genuine difficulty stems from neurological differences in processing, memory, or sensory regulation. If your child seems confused, frozen, or overwhelmed rather than oppositional, they likely need different support rather than consequences. Look for patterns: Do they struggle with all multi-step tasks? Do they succeed with visual aids? This reveals whether it’s a skills gap or behavioral issue.

Final Thoughts on Helping Neurodivergent Children Follow Instructions

When a child struggles to follow instructions, it’s often because the environment or communication style doesn’t match how their brain works.

Clearer language, visual tools and shorter steps make it easier for your child to succeed. These strategies aren’t just about getting things done. They help your child feel capable and calm.

The smallest changes can lead to more peaceful mornings, smoother routines and a better connection between you and your child. By understanding your child’s unique needs and adapting your approach, you’re going to help them follow instructions. You’re also going to build their confidence, independence, and trust in themselves.

Struggling With Mornings or Bedtimes?

If mornings or bedtimes often feel chaotic or tense, my short on-demand course will help. Low-Stress Mornings and Bedtimes is a short, practical mini course for parents of autistic and ADHD children aged 5 to 17.

It’s packed with simple strategies to create calmer, more predictable routines that suit your child’s needs.

You can complete it quickly, keep it forever, and dip back in whenever you need a reset.

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