Performance Anxiety in Children: How to Transform Fear into Confidence

Reviewed by Dr Lucy Russell DClinPsyc CPsychol AFBPsS

Have you ever watched your child freeze before a big game? Or witnessed them struggle to sleep the night before an important test?

What you’re seeing isn’t just nerves – it’s performance anxiety. And it’s silently affecting more children than ever before.

NHS referrals for anxiety in children have more than doubled pre-covid levels in England. This isn’t just a phase they’ll grow out of. It’s a genuine challenge that requires understanding and thoughtful support.

In this article, I’ll share what performance anxiety really looks like, why it happens, and practical strategies you can use to help your child transform their anxiety into confidence and resilience.

What Performance Anxiety Really Means for Your Child

Performance anxiety isn’t just about being nervous. It’s an unusually strong worry or fear about activities that involve achievement or performance. It affects other aspects of a child’s life such as mood and sleep.

Performance anxiety in children can show up anywhere – from speaking up in class to sports, academics to social situations.

Children don’t choose these feelings. Their bodies and minds are responding to what their brain perceives as genuine threats, even when logically they understand there’s no danger.

Why Your Child Might Be Struggling (Even If They Seem Fine)

Performance anxiety doesn’t appear from nowhere. It often stems from:

• Stage fright and fear of judgment
• High expectations (from themselves or others) including perfectionism
• Previous negative experiences they can’t shake
• Underlying anxiety that magnifies under pressure
• Learning differences that create additional challenges and stress to the nervous system
• Fear of failure and its consequences
• Low confidence or self-esteem combined with external pressure

Key Signs of Performance Anxiety to Watch For

Your child might not tell you they’re struggling, but their body and behavior will:

• Unexplained tummy aches or digestive issues before events
• Racing heart, sweating, or panic attacks
• Excessive worry that seems disproportionate
• Seeking performance enhancers (especially in teen athletes)
• Withdrawal from activities they once enjoyed
• Difficulty concentrating or “blanking out”
• Dry mouth or physical symptoms before performances

Transform Anxiety Into Their Secret Weapon

Here’s an important insight: anxiety’s energy can actually be harnessed as a positive force.

The same chemicals causing those “butterflies” can be channeled into excitement, focus and performance.

The key is teaching your child to:

• Reframe nerves as excitement and readiness
• Create empowering pre-performance routines
• Accept nervousness as normal rather than fighting it
• Focus on the process instead of potential failure

A 7-Step Framework for Supporting Your Child

Here’s a structured approach for helping your child manage and overcome performance anxiety:

1. Build Resilience Through Experience – Help them name emotions and learn from setbacks by praising effort, not outcomes
2. Activate Breathing Armour – Teach simple techniques like box breathing (inhale 4 counts, hold 4 counts, exhale 4 counts, hold 4 counts) to calm their nervous system instantly
3. Reprogramme Negative Thinking – Replace “I’m going to fail” with “I’m ready and I can do this” by normalising nerves as a sign they care
4. Create Safe Practice Opportunities – Role-play presentations, rehearse performances, and simulate test conditions at home
5. Break Anxiety Cycles With Strategic Pauses – When anxiety builds, have them switch to something enjoyable and unrelated
6. Provide Unconditional Support – Ensure they know your love doesn’t depend on their performance
7. Seek Expert Guidance When Needed – Know when professional help can provide additional tools and strategies

The Special Challenge for Young Athletes

For student athletes, performance anxiety creates unique pressures:

• Fear of letting down coaches and teammates
• Intense competition with peers
• Parental expectations (often unintentional)
• The physical manifestations of stress that affect performance

Without proper support, this can lead to serious consequences beyond poor performance – including insomnia, eating disorders, depression, and in severe cases, mental health crises.

Building Your Child’s Support System

The most resilient children have a network that includes:

• Understanding coaches who normalize failure as part of growth
• Peers who share similar experiences
• Parents who model healthy stress management
• Mentors who provide perspective
• When beneficial, professionals like sports psychologists

Empowering Your Child With Self-Help Strategies

The ultimate goal is giving your child tools they can use independently:

1. Preparation Routines – Creating consistent pre-performance habits
2. Anxiety Management Techniques – From deep breathing to progressive muscle relaxation
3. Visualisation – Mental rehearsal of successful performance
4. Self-Talk Transformation – Learning to be their own supportive coach
5. Growth Mindset – Viewing mistakes as learning opportunities
6. Joy Recovery – Reconnecting with why they loved the activity in the first place

The Next Step: From Knowledge To Action

Understanding performance anxiety is just the first step. The question becomes: how do you apply these insights to your unique child and situation?

Knowledge is Power: Understanding Anxiety Mini-Course

If you’d like to deepen your understanding of what’s happening in your child’s mind and body when anxiety takes hold, my focused mini-course provides the foundation you need.

In just 30 minutes (in bite-sized videos), you’ll learn:

• Why anxiety exists from an evolutionary perspective
• What’s happening beneath the surface behaviours (the Iceberg Effect)
• How anxiety builds and resolves through the Anxiety Curve
• The important connection between anxiety and anger
• The Hot Cross Bun model that reveals how thoughts, feelings and behaviours interconnect
• How to identify your child’s specific triggers and maintaining factors
• Ways to apply these frameworks to your child’s unique situation

This Knowledge is Power mini-course provides the understanding you need to help your child develop a healthier relationship with anxiety.

It’s also included in my deeper Outsmart Anxiety programme, should you wish to explore individualised strategies.

As a clinical child psychologist specialising in anxiety, I’ve seen how the right knowledge empowers parents to support their children effectively.

Would you like to help your child manage performance anxiety with greater confidence? The Knowledge is Power mini-course is available now.

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The Avoidance Trap: Why Avoidance Makes Your Child’s Anxiety Worse

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Hayley Vaughan-Smith is a Person-Centred Counsellor accredited by the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society. She is the founder and counsellor at The Ridge Practice in Buckinghamshire, and counsellor at Everlief Child Psychology.

Hayley has a special interest in bereavement counselling and worked as a bereavement volunteer with Cruse Bereavement Care for four years.

Hayley is mum to 3 grown up girls, and gardening and walking in nature is her own personal therapy. Hayley believes being in nature, whatever the weather, is incredibly beneficial for mental health well-being.