Natural Consequences in Parenting: Could This Approach Work For You?

Reviewed by Dr Lucy Russell DClinPsyc CPsychol AFBPsS
Hayley Vaughan Smith, Person Centred Counsellor and The Ridge Practice and Everlief Child Psychology
Author: Hayley Vaughan-Smith, Person-Centred Counsellor

Natural consequences in parenting are positive or negative consequences that happen as the result of a child’s behaviour or choices. This happens without the interference, intervention or punishment from a parent.

Let’s take a look at how, when and why natural consequences in parenting can help your child’s development and be an effective approach for your family.

a mum and ten year old girl laughing together

Different Types of Consequences

1. Natural Consequences

When children experience outcomes of their actions without parental intervention.

Example: Stepping on scattered Lego pieces hurts – teaching children to clean up their toys.

2. Logical Consequences

Parent-implemented outcomes directly connected to behavior.

Example: Child throws food → Child cleans the mess, learning accountability through related actions.

3. Positive Consequences

Rewards reinforcing desired behaviours and self-discipline.

Example: Praise and recognition for sharing toys or showing consistent gratitude.

4. Negative Consequences

Removing privileges to discourage unwanted behaviour.

Example: Reduced screen time following aggressive actions toward siblings.

a happy dad and 9 year old boy together

The Power of Natural Consequences

Natural consequences effectively teach children responsibility through direct cause-and-effect experiences. Here’s why they work:

Natural Consequences: An Example

Arthur’s Winter Lesson

It’s snowing outside. Despite his mother’s reasonable suggestions, Arthur refuses to wear his winter coat and gloves. Instead of forcing the issue, his mother allows him to experience the natural consequence. The cold, stinging sensation in his hands teaches him why winter gear matters – a lesson he’s likely to remember next time.

Key Benefit: Children learn directly from their own experiences rather than parental lectures, making the lessons more meaningful and lasting.

a teen boy on his way to school

5 Examples of Natural Consequences

1. Incomplete Homework

Result: Lower grades, teacher feedback Lesson: Success comes from steady practice and effort

2. Neglected Toys

Result: Broken or missing items Lesson: Looking after toys means they last longer and stay fun

3. Skipping Meals

Result: Hunger until next mealtime Lesson: Eating at set times prevents feeling hungry later

4. Poor Money Management

Result: No money left for wanted items Lesson: Saving helps achieve future goals

5. Untidy Clothes

Result: Clothes aren’t clean or can’t be found when needed Lesson: Especially for teens – taking care of their own things

TAKE THE QUIZ!

Natural Consequences versus Punishments or Teaching Consequences

Parenting choices around discipline shape our children’s emotional and social development and our relationship with them.

While natural consequences allow children to learn directly from experience, there are times when we need to guide them through thoughtful, teaching consequences. This does not mean punishment.

The key difference is that teaching consequences help children understand and learn, while punishments may lead to feelings of shame, bitterness or resentment and can damage your parent-child bond.

Most parents have responded emotionally to challenging behaviour – we’re human! Children are experts at finding our stress points.

However, by focusing on teaching rather than punishing, we help our children develop more helpful behaviours and make better choices, while keeping our relationship strong and positive.

The goal is to guide our children’s behaviour while preserving their dignity and our connection with them. This approach takes more patience but leads to better long-term outcomes than punishment-based discipline.

portrait of a happy dad and daughter

When Alice Doesn’t Do Her Homework: What Happens Next?

🎯 Punishment vs Natural Consequences vs Teaching Consequences

Natural Consequences in Parenting Alice

Learning through experience

Alice submits poor work → Gets low grade → Feels natural disappointment → Learns from experience

Magic ingredient: Real-world feedback

Teaching Consequences

Growing through guidance

Parent helps create homework system → Daily check-ins → Skills develop → Grades improve naturally

Magic ingredient: Support without shame

Punishment

Why it falls short

“No phone until grades improve!” → Resentment builds → Communication breaks → Problems hide

⚠️ Creates fear and distance instead of growth and trust

What Actually Works?

Natural Consequences shine when:

  • Alice shows maturity and an ability to learn from unwanted results
  • The stakes aren’t too high
  • She has the underlying ability and skills to complete her homework by herself

Teaching Consequences excel when:

  • Organisation is a struggle and Alice may need a deeper level of teaching and support
  • New habits need nurturing
  • Child and parent have a strong underlying relationship

The Bottom Line:
Both natural and teaching consequences respect Alice’s dignity while building responsibility. Choose based on your teen’s needs, or blend both approaches.

Just skip the punishment path. It might feel effective short-term, but it builds walls exactly when you need bridges.

💡 Pro Tip: Whether you step back (natural) or step in (teaching), keep your relationship strong. Your teen needs connection, not correction!

a happy little boy with his arms around his dad

Allowing Natural Consequences: How Is It Done?

Before the Situation

  1. Check safety first – is this a safe learning opportunity?
  2. Decide if natural consequences fit this scenario

During the Situation

  1. State what will happen: “If you don’t wear a coat, you’ll feel cold”
  2. Let your child choose
  3. Stay calm – avoid “I told you so”
  4. Be available but don’t rescue

After the Situation

  1. Show empathy: “Being cold wasn’t fun, was it?”
  2. Ask questions: “What might you do differently next time?”
  3. Trust the learning process

Remember…

  • Keep your emotions neutral
  • Stay consistent
  • Choose your battles wisely
  • Keep your child’s age in mind

⚠️ Not suitable for:

  • Safety issues
  • Health risks
  • Situations affecting others

Here are some examples of natural consequences to a child’s choices.

SituationNatural ConsequenceHow You Might Feel and How to Deal with These Feelings if They Arise
Forgetting to take PE kit to schoolYour child has to use the second-hand kit from the PE lost & found box. They learn that having a written checklist will help them remember the correct kit.You might feel guilty, frustrated or disappointed. Using these moments to gently remind your child about the benefits of organization can be constructive. In the long term, your child is learning valuable independence skills.
Ignoring bedtimeThey feel exhausted the next day and find the maths test too hard. They learn that rest is important if they want to perform well in tests.You might feel concerned for your child’s wellbeing and worried about what others might think. Discussing these concerns with a trusted friend or partner can help alleviate stress and it’s important to regularly review whether teaching consequences is more appropriate than allowing natural consequences.
Not taking care of personal possessions; their phone screen gets brokenThey will have to use their own money to replace the screen. They learn that taking better care of their things helps save money.You might feel frustrated over the carelessness but also a sense of pride as your child learns the value of money and responsibility. Encouraging open discussions about financial responsibility can help guide their understanding.
close up of two happy tween girls

How Natural Consequences Build Resilient Children

Why Resilience Matters

Resilience helps children adapt, recover and learn from challenges. Through natural consequences, children experience real-world outcomes that teach essential life skills.

Key Benefits

1. Develops Accountability

Children learn to take control of their choices, adapting behaviours for better outcomes.

2. Enhances Problem-Solving

Hands-on experience of working through challenges beats being told what to do.

3. Builds Independence

Taking responsibility leads to:

  • Greater autonomy
  • Improved self-sufficiency
  • Better navigation of challenges

4. Strengthens Emotional Intelligence

Natural consequences help children:

  • Identify different feelings
  • Understand emotional triggers
  • Build coping strategies
  • Handle disappointment

5. Teaches Cause and Effect

Children learn firsthand how their choices influence outcomes.

The Path to Resilience

Building resilience takes time. Support your child by:

  • Praising their efforts to learn from mistakes
  • Showing empathy during setbacks
  • Maintaining consistency
  • Celebrating small wins

Self-sufficient, confident children develop through experiencing and learning from natural consequences, not from being shielded from them, but you must look at situations on a case by case basis.

a confident 16 year-old boy walking with a backpack

How I Learned to Trust Natural Consequences as a Parent

My children are grown up now, but if I had my time as a parent again, I’d embrace natural consequences far earlier in my children’s development.

Let me share why…

The Evolution of My Parenting

Like many parents, I started focused on routines, boundaries and managing every consequence. But gradually, I discovered something powerful – children learn best through their own experiences.

When children figure things out themselves (sometimes with gentle support), they take greater responsibility for outcomes.

A Story of School Supplies and Natural Consequences

My daughter would frequently forget essential items for school. I’d get the panicked call, jump in the car, and drop items at reception.

Result?

  • A happy child,
  • a satisfied teacher,
  • less petrol,
  • and a time-poor me.

What I didn’t have was a child learning through cause and effect.

The solution?

We created a checklist together – her responsibility to use.

Breaking the rescue cycle, I stopped delivering forgotten items. She learned that responsibility lay with her, finding memory techniques that worked for her.

Key Learnings for Parents

1. Stay Calm and Supportive

  • Don’t blame or humiliate
  • Show empathy
  • Discuss different approaches for next time

2. Resist the Rescue Urge

Guide rather than fix. Support without taking over.

3. Step Back When Safe

Let natural consequences unfold to build:

  • Problem-solving skills
  • Resilience
  • Self-confidence

4. Model Resilience

Show how you handle your own challenges.

5. Practise Patience

Trust the process, even through discomfort.

a nine year old girl wearing a rucksack

Family Conversations

Make it natural. Over dinner, share examples:

  • “If you leave the lemonade top off, it loses its fizz”
  • “Without piano practice, your progress may suffer”
  • Share your own experiences: “I forgot my lunch today…”

Remember: These aren’t punishments – they’re opportunities for growth.

Life experience and natural consequences are our children’s best teachers. Through them, they develop independence, confidence, and resilience.

Related Articles

Good Enough Parenting: Parents in the Real World

Parenting With Flex: When to Bend the Boundaries

Is Overprotective Parenting Harming Your Child’s Self-Esteem?

Hayley Vaughan-Smith is a Person-Centred Counsellor accredited by the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society. She is the founder and counsellor at The Ridge Practice in Buckinghamshire, and counsellor at Everlief Child Psychology.

Hayley has a special interest in bereavement counselling and worked as a bereavement volunteer with Cruse Bereavement Care for four years.

Hayley is mum to 3 grown up girls, and gardening and walking in nature is her own personal therapy. Hayley believes being in nature, whatever the weather, is incredibly beneficial for mental health well-being.

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