Explaining Autism to Siblings: Conversations That Build Connection

When your child is diagnosed with autism (also known as autism spectrum disorder or ASD), one issue you might be dealing with is what kinds of conversations to have with their siblings about the diagnosis.
Whether your other children are 5 or 15, they need clear answers about their brother or sister’s unique way of experiencing the world.
In this guide I’ll talk you through strategies to help siblings understand autism, strengthen their relationships, and build a supportive family environment.
I’m a child clinical psychologist with over twenty years of experience supporting families of autistic children.

Keys to Supporting Siblings’ Understanding
In my experience, siblings of autistic children thrive when parents:
- Make dedicated one-on-one time for each child
- Answer questions honestly about autism at an age-appropriate level
- Create space for siblings to express all feelings, including difficult ones
- Help siblings develop their own coping strategies and support networks

Ages 3-6: Explaining Autism to Very Young Siblings
1. Use Simple Comparisons
- Link to their daily experiences: “Remember how you don’t like when your socks feel bumpy? Your brother feels that way about lots of things”
- Use favourite toys or characters: “Just like how Spiderman has super-strong senses, your sister notices sounds and textures more than most people”
- Compare differences they understand: “People’s brains work differently, like how some children love swimming and others prefer climbing”
2. Focus on Observable Behaviours
- Explain stimming with positivity: “When your sister rocks back and forth, it helps her body feel good – like how you jump when you’re excited”
- Address sensory sensitivity: “Loud sounds hurt his ears more than yours, like when music is too loud in the car”
- Describe communication style: “He might not say ‘I love you’ with words, but he shows it by sitting close to you or sharing his favourite toy”
3. Keep Explanations Brief
- Use short, clear sentences: “Your brother needs quiet time to feel calm”
- Validate their observations: “Yes, you’re right – he does like to line up his cars. That makes him happy”

4. Emphasize Shared Experiences
- Notice moments of connection and similarity: “Look how you both love dancing to this song!”
- If possible give them tasks to do together where they are required to collaborate, such as solving a puzzle. Make sure it’s achievable for both children. This will build their bond and help them appreciate one another’s strengths
5. Use Children’s Books and Media
- Watch Sesame Street episodes featuring Julia, an autistic character. Point out her unique ways of playing and communicating.
- Share picture books showing autistic characters:
- “My Brother Otto” by Meg Raby
- “Too Sticky! Sensory Issues with Autism” by Jen Malia
- “We’re Amazing 1,2,3!” (Sesame Street)
- Read books together about celebrating differences, like “All My Stripes” by Shaina Rudolph
- Use these stories to start conversations: “Look, Julia jumps when she’s happy, just like your brother!”
TAKE THE QUIZ!
Ages 7-12: Explaining Autism to Primary School-Aged Siblings
1. Use Simple Descriptions Based on Science
- “Think of a brain like a computer. Your brother takes in more sensory information than most people, but needs more time to process it all – like a computer downloading lots of files at once”
- “Imagine trying to concentrate while taking in every detail in the room – sounds, smells, textures, movements. That’s often how your sister experiences the world”
- Use analogies like “Your brother’s senses are like a super-powered camera that captures every tiny detail”. Drawing simple pictures or diagrams can help.
2. Share Helpful Factual Information
- In every school, there are likely to be several autistic children”
- “Many famous scientists, artists, actors and inventors are autistic”
- “Autism looks different in each person, like how every child in your class has different strengths”

3. Address Social Situations
- Discuss ways to include their sibling in games and activities
- Talk through with them how they might explain their sibling’s autism to their friends confidently, should they choose to do so
- Practise responding to insensitive comments or questions from peers
4. All Emotions Are Okay
Validate all emotions your child may feel, including frustration, embarrassment or resentment. This means acknowledging the emotion, for example, “I know, it feels really unfair that we can’t go to the cinema today because your sister is having a meltdown”.

5. Use Books and Media
- Read books featuring autistic characters – check out the Book Trust for a fantastic list.
- Share positive YouTube videos, like this one:
Ages 13+: Explaining Autism to Teenage Siblings
1. Start With The Basics
- Autism is a natural brain difference that affects how people experience the world
- Every autistic person is unique, with different strengths and challenges
- Key areas include sensory processing, communication, and social interaction
2. Then Start to Explore How Autism Affects Their Sibling
For instance:
- They may find some senses overwhelming (noise, light, touch)
- They might prefer to stick to familiar routines and be reluctant to try new things, because their brain can take longer to adjust to changes.
- Sometimes their social interactions may be different to neurotypical people. For example, autistic people tend to be black and white thinkers and therefore they may not see the point in “small talk”.
- Some things that are easy for you might be harder for them, and vice versa.

3. Help Them Understand Differences in Processing
- Explain using clear examples: “When we walk into a room, we might notice a few things. Their brain notices everything at once – the lights, sounds, smells, textures – and takes longer to process it all”
- Show how this affects daily life: “This is why they need quiet time after school – their brain is still processing everything from the day”
4. Your Teen Might Be Interested in Autism Myths vs Facts
- Autism isn’t an illness – it’s a different way of thinking and experiencing
- Autistic people usually feel emotions deeply, even if they show them differently
- Being autistic doesn’t mean lower intelligence
- There’s no “cure” because it’s not something that needs curing
5. Use Media
If your autistic child’s sibling is open to deepening their understanding of autism, they could follow autistic YouTubers and TikTokers, or watch videos like this one all about the importance of neurodiversity:
Related Articles
Autism Courses for Parents in the UK
Finding Out Your Child is Autistic: What To Do Next
Sibling Rivalry Solutions: A Parent’s Guide
Dr Lucy Russell is a UK clinical psychologist who works with children and families. Her work involves both therapeutic support and autism assessments. She is the Clinical Director of Everlief Child Psychology, and also worked in the National Health Service for many years. In 2019 Lucy launched They Are The Future, a support website for parents of school-aged children.
Through TATF Lucy is passionate about giving practical, manageable strategies to parents and children who may otherwise struggle to find the support they need.
Lucy is a mum to two teenage children. She lives in Buckinghamshire with her husband, children, rescue dog and three rescue cats. She enjoys caravanning and outdoor living, singing and musical theatre.
UK parents! Are you ready to boost your family’s wellbeing and kickstart your child’s journey towards brilliant mental health?
This FREE 20-minute course from Dr. Lucy Russell, with quick-start strategies will help you and your family begin your journey to flourishing mental health!
🔍 What’s Inside?
✅ Quick quiz to assess your starting point
🎥 Short and engaging video lessons
💡 Practical strategies to implement today
Yours for 3 days
In just 20 minutes, I will give you tools to enhance your family’s wellbeing.
Together, we can move towards a calm, happy family life and boost your child’s wellbeing. Get your free course now!