The Path to Strong Friendship Skills: Simple, Fun Steps

Written by Dr Lucy Russell DClinPsyc CPsychol AFBPsS

Friendship skills are essential for social success, but they don’t come naturally to every child.

Some children pick up these skills effortlessly, while others – especially those who are neurodivergent – may need a bit more time and support.

Individual Differences in Social Development

It’s important to remember that different children will develop social skills at their own pace, and not every child will interact in the same way as their peers.

This diversity in social interaction isn’t necessarily a problem.

It’s a reflection of each child’s unique personality and way of relating to the world.

The Importance of a Gentle Approach

What’s crucial is never to force social skills onto your child.

Pressuring them to conform to typical social norms can cause stress and discomfort, particularly if they find certain interactions challenging.

Instead, focus on creating a supportive environment where social learning happens gently and naturally.

When to Consider Coaching Your Child

If your child is struggling socially and it’s making them unhappy or leading to difficulties, then consider introducing some gentle coaching.

This approach should be fun, engaging, and tailored to your child’s needs.

Identifying Areas for Support

Start by observing the situations where your child experiences challenges.

For example, initiating interactions, maintaining friendships, or recognizing social cues like when someone is losing interest in the conversation.

Creating a Plan

Once you’ve identified these areas, write down the specific social skills that might help your child navigate these situations more comfortably.

For example, if your child has trouble with conversation, they might benefit from learning how to ask questions and respond thoughtfully to others.

Prioritize these skills and work on them one at a time, using playful and creative activities to make learning enjoyable for your child.

Building Friendship Skills Through Fun and Play

Every child can develop the social skills they need to make friendships.

With your guidance and some creative, enjoyable activities, you can help your child grow more confident in their social interactions.

Below are some key friendship skills and engaging games to practice them together.

1. Eye Contact: Making Connections

Eye contact is a powerful way to connect with others, but it can feel challenging for some children. Here’s how you can help your child feel more comfortable making eye contact:

1. “Focus on the Forehead”: Encourage your child to look at the space just above your eyes (your forehead) when they’re not ready for direct eye contact. This strategy eases them into making eye contact by focusing nearby, gradually building their comfort level.
2. “Mirror, Mirror” Game: Sit facing your child, and take turns copying each other’s facial expressions. This helps your child get used to looking at faces and eyes while having fun with silly expressions.
3. “Animal Eyes” Role-Play: Pretend to be different animals that communicate with their eyes—like owls or cats. Make up short stories where eye contact is essential, allowing your child to practice without the pressure of real conversation.

2. Greetings: Starting Off on the Right Foot

Learning how to greet others warmly is a key step in making friends.

Here’s how to make this skill fun to practice:

1. “Greeting Detective”: Turn greetings into a spy mission! Ask your child to observe how different people greet each other throughout the day. Then, discuss their findings and create a “greeting code” they can use with friends.
2. “Greeting Bingo”: Create a bingo card with different ways to say hello (e.g., “Hi,” “Hello,” “Hey,” “Good morning”). Challenge your child to use each greeting during the week and mark off the card as they go.
3. “The Friendly Robot”: Pretend your child is a robot learning to greet humans. Program them with different greetings, and let them practise with you or other family members. Add funny glitches to make it more fun, like saying “Goodbye” instead of “Hello.”

3. Listening: Being Present in the Moment

Good listening is crucial for meaningful conversations and building strong connections.

Here are some enjoyable ways to help your child become a better listener during conversations:

1. “Echo Conversations”: Have a conversation with your child where they have to repeat back what you just said before adding their response. For example, if you say, “I really like apples,” they would say, “You really like apples, and I like bananas.” This game reinforces the importance of listening closely to what others are saying before responding.
2. “The Listening Ladder”: Create a simple visual “ladder” with steps on a piece of paper. Each time your child successfully listens to and responds to a conversation partner (you or a sibling), they get to move up a step on the ladder. This game helps them see their progress and motivates them to keep improving their listening skills.
3. “Question Relay”: Start a conversation with your child and ask them a question. After they answer, they have to ask you a question related to what you just discussed. This activity not only practices listening but also encourages them to think about how to continue a conversation by building on what was said.

4. Turn-Taking: Sharing the Spotlight

Turn-taking is essential for balanced conversations and two-way friendships.

Here’s how to practice this skill in a fun way:

1. “Conversation Ball Toss”: Use a soft ball or plush toy. Toss it back and forth, and whoever catches it gets to speak. This simple game teaches the rhythm of conversation, where each person has their turn to talk.
2. “Building Blocks of Talk”: Use building blocks or LEGO pieces. Each time someone speaks, they add a block to the tower. The goal is to build the tallest tower together, encouraging your child to take turns speaking.
3. “The Talk Timer”: Use a timer to limit each person’s speaking time. Start with just 10 seconds and gradually increase. This helps your child practice turn-taking and being concise, making sure everyone gets a chance to talk.

5. Conversation Skills: Keeping the Flow

Maintaining a good conversation is an important part of building friendships, but it can be really tricky.

Help your child master this skill with these fun activities:

1. “Conversation Starters Jar”: Fill a jar with conversation topics or questions written on slips of paper. Take turns drawing one and discussing it. This game helps your child practice thinking on their feet and keeping a conversation going.
2. “The Storyteller Relay”: Start with a topic and ask your child to say one sentence about it. Then, you add another sentence. Keep going back and forth to build a story together. This game teaches your child to listen, respond, and stay on topic.
3. “Topic Twister”: Write down different conversation topics on a spinner or use an online spinner tool. Spin the wheel, and whatever it lands on, start a conversation about that topic. This random approach keeps it fun and helps your child practice talking about various subjects.

6. Joining In: Knowing When and How

Knowing when and how to join a conversation or activity can be tricky. Here’s how to make it easier for your child:

1. “Pause and Play” Role-Play: Act out a scenario where two people are talking. Pause the action at different points and ask your child when they think it would be a good time to join in. Discuss their choices to build their understanding.
2. “Follow the Leader” Conversation: Start a conversation where you say a sentence, and your child has to respond by repeating the last word of your sentence and then adding their own thought. For example, if you say, “I love eating apples,” your child would respond with, “Apples are tasty, especially with peanut butter.” This game encourages careful listening and helps them practise maintaining the flow of conversation.
3. “The Listening Detective”: Play a conversation-based mystery game where you share a story with details hidden within it. After the story, ask your child specific questions about what was said, such as, “What colour was the car in the story?” or “What did the character say before they left the room?” This encourages your child to listen closely to the entire conversation to catch important details.

Problem-Solving: Navigating Challenges

Every friendship has its challenges.

Here are some activities to help your child handle conflict and find solutions:

1. “Friendship Scenarios”: Create simple scenarios involving common friendship problems (e.g., a disagreement about what game to play). Role-play these with your child and brainstorm different ways to resolve them. This helps your child think creatively and empathetically.
2. “The Comic Strip Solution”: Draw a simple comic strip together where characters face a friendship dilemma. Work with your child to come up with different endings and discuss which solution works best. This visual approach makes problem-solving tangible and fun.
3. “The Friendship Toolbox”: Create a “toolbox” filled with different strategies for handling friendship issues (e.g. compromise, using kind words, asking for help). When a problem arises, encourage your child to pick a “tool” to use. This helps them feel empowered and prepared.

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Dr Lucy Russell is a UK clinical psychologist who works with children and families. Her work involves both therapeutic support and autism assessments. She is the Clinical Director of Everlief Child Psychology, and also worked in the National Health Service for many years. In 2019 Lucy launched They Are The Future, a support website for parents of school-aged children.

Through TATF Lucy is passionate about giving practical, manageable strategies to parents and children who may otherwise struggle to find the support they need.

Lucy is a mum to two teenage children. She lives in Buckinghamshire with her husband, children, rescue dog and three rescue cats. She enjoys caravanning and outdoor living, singing and musical theatre.

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