Your Parent Guide to Low Mood and Depression in Children
If your child has seemed flat, withdrawn or just not themselves lately, you may be wondering whether it’s a passing phase or something more. Low mood kids don’t always look sad, and their low mood can look quite different from depression in adults.
Often it’s a temporary dip, but low mood can sometimes develop into child depression, which can affect children and young people of all ages.
You may notice a child becoming quieter and more withdrawn than before, or no longer wanting to join activities she once enjoyed. A young person might also show mood changes, such as becoming more irritable.
Another sign that a child or teenager may be feeling down is persistent negative remarks about themselves, others or the world. Seeing life through a negative lens can be an effect of feeling low, and can also make these feelings worse.
Some children and teenagers don’t become withdrawn or put themselves down. Instead, these feelings can show up as anger and defiance, particularly in younger children.
If a child feels low while the demands of school, activities, socialising and family life continue, it’s understandable that they may show anger, defiance or resentment.
Clinically diagnosed depression vs temporary sadness
Clinical depression is a serious condition, distinct from temporary sadness or ordinary teenage moodiness. When diagnosing child depression, professionals look at how long symptoms have lasted and how much they affect a child’s life.
Signs of depression may include:
- A depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.
- A marked loss of interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.
- Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or eating changes such as a decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.
- A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement, observable by others, rather than simply feeling restless or slowed down.
- Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
- Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.
- Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.
- Recurrent thoughts of death or suicidal thoughts, with or without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or specific plan for suicide.
Strong or persistent feelings can affect a child’s life and the whole family. If you think your child may have clinical depression, seek professional help, starting with your GP (general practitioner) if you live in the UK. Your GP can refer your child to a specialist service. Outside the UK, contact your family doctor or healthcare provider.
Sadness and depression as a normal reaction to events
These feelings can be normal responses to difficult events. If your child has been bereaved or has experienced another kind of trauma, it may take time to enjoy life again. This includes experiences we may not think of as trauma, such as bullying or moving to a different area.
Feelings such as disbelief, confusion, anger, fear that something bad will happen again and deep sadness can combine. They may leave a child feeling helpless or hopeless about the future.
Trauma can make once-enjoyable activities seem trivial or unimportant, as the experience takes up so much emotional space.
Similarly, trauma can lead both children and adults to question their basic assumptions about life. For example, a child who once felt safe may no longer feel that way.
Difficult experiences won’t always cloud everything or have such a heavy influence. With time, things can feel more balanced, and the child or young person may begin enjoying parts of life again.
Low mood in kids: Common causes
There are many reasons children may feel sad or become depressed. Below I’ve summarised the triggers I’ve come across most often over the years when supporting low mood kids.
Deep thinkers
Many children I’ve seen with sadness or depression have been bright, inquisitive, sensitive and deep-thinking. Deep thinking can lead to deep worrying, and ongoing anxiety can wear down a child’s mood over time. Children may worry on many levels, from their family’s health to climate change.
Feeling of not fitting in or being different
We are social animals, and most of us want to belong to a group because it helps us feel secure, safe and loved.
If your child feels they don’t belong in part of their life, such as the school environment or social situations, it can have a profound impact on her sense of wellbeing.
Unhelpful “core beliefs”
A single bad event, or several smaller events, can lead a child to have an unhelpful belief about herself.
For example, a bullying incident can lead a young person to believe, “I am not as good as others”.
Psychologists call these deep-rooted, fundamental beliefs “core beliefs”. They shape how we view the world.
Over time, experiences that challenge a belief can gradually help weaken and change it. If a child who has been bullied is surrounded by family members and friends who adore her, she may eventually begin to believe she is just as good as everyone else.
Family or child facing overwhelming difficulties
Some children face so many real-life difficulties that they feel powerless, as if nothing they do will change things.
This is called “learned helplessness” and is closely related to depression. It may be caused by family difficulties, trouble learning in the classroom, friendship issues or a combination of these.
Key Takeaways
Seek urgent medical help if your child has harmed themselves, or there is immediate risk of harm to themselves or others. Clinical depression is more than temporary sadness and can affect a child’s everyday life. If you’re concerned, speak to your GP or local healthcare provider for advice and support.
Feeling low can show up in children as withdrawal, loss of interest, irritability, anger, defiance or persistent negative thoughts; it may look different from adult depression.
Difficult experiences such as bereavement, bullying, trauma or feeling that they don’t belong can contribute to feelings of sadness, but feelings may become more balanced with time and support.
Offer nurture, help your child express difficult thoughts, build gentle structure into their day and encourage enjoyable activities, movement and positive social contact.
Depression and low mood in children and teenagers: Strategies for parents
When your child is feeling down or experiencing depression, it can be hard to know how best to help. These strategies are practical ways to support your child at home, and they can also help alongside treatment for child depression.
1. Help them manage worry or difficult thoughts
Worries and difficult thoughts are not facts. They are thoughts that may or may not be true, but can still feel powerful and real.
Research suggests that expressing a worry can help reduce its power. Sit with your child and encourage them to talk, but avoid doing this close to bedtime. A calming sleep hygiene routine can help, though it won’t treat depression on its own.
Together, work out which worries can be changed or managed. Encourage your child to set aside the others for specific times of the day.
It’s understandable to worry about things you can’t change, such as a grandmother who is unwell. It may help to set aside around 20 minutes a day as “worry time”.
This gives the brain time free from worry. Use my free circle of control printable to help your child identify what they can and can’t control.
If your child tends to see things through a negative lens, my free cognitive triangle worksheet shows how thoughts, feelings and behaviour link together. It’s a really good place to start when you want to help your child notice and question unhelpful thoughts.
2. Offer extra nurture
Try to see this as a temporary state. Feeling depressed can leave a child feeling unsafe and vulnerable.
As a parent and carer, you can help your child feel safer and offer emotional support. This might mean more affection, a hot chocolate and a film, or extra understanding about minor behaviour issues.
You could also treat your child as if they were a little younger, just while they’re feeling vulnerable.
3. Encourage enjoyment and a sense of achievement through structure
People who are depressed often have little energy or motivation to do things they once enjoyed.
Your child or young person may need help structuring their days and weeks. Aim for one or two enjoyable or satisfying daily activities.
Keep everyday routines simple, too: make time for healthy meals, a regular bedtime and relaxed moments together, without putting pressure on yourself to get everything perfect.
4. Make time for regular social contact
Some people want to withdraw when they feel depressed. If your teenager stops meeting up with friends, for example, they may miss out on fun activities and conversations that could help their mood.
Children and young people benefit from daily contact with their peers. You may need to help arrange this.
Choose friends carefully, aiming for positive experiences that don’t feel overwhelming. If a young person is withdrawing, gentle support can help them reconnect.
5. Encourage them to talk or express themselves creatively
Ask your child what their brain feels like. Is it like a knotted ball of wool, or perhaps a prison?
If they draw or create what it feels like, you may find it easier to empathise and connect. You could also ask them to draw a body and colour in the areas where they feel depression.
The more understood and connected a child or young person feels, the more supported they may feel as recovery begins.
6. Find activities that help them get absorbed
What does your child enjoy doing? It might be dancing, football, singing, model-making or reading.
When immersed in something enjoyable, a child can focus on that experience rather than thoughts about the past or future. Even a few minutes a day can make a difference.
My free coping menu worksheet is a simple way to write down the activities that help your child feel better, so you have ideas ready on harder days.
7. Encourage physical activity
Movement can lift mood, relieve stress and support the release of mood-balancing chemicals such as serotonin.
Being active outdoors may help, too, as nature can engage the senses and feel calming. Start with five minutes of movement, then try to add a few minutes each day.
8. Seek help with family difficulties where possible
Sometimes whole families can feel low and stuck. If parents are dealing with mental health problems, financial difficulties or other challenging circumstances, everyone may feel overwhelmed.
Children and young people feel the effects, too. A first step out of a difficult cycle might be accepting a small offer of help from a friend.
Support can come from unexpected places. Each small step may help you and your child feel a little less overwhelmed.
9. Know when and how to seek professional support
If your child is still managing to take part in most social activities and go to school, you may not need specialist help. If you’re concerned about the signs of depression, talk things through with your GP.
GP
Your child’s GP, or general practitioner, should be your first point of contact. They can advise you about local mental health services for you and your child, including the CAMHS (NHS child and adolescent mental health) service in your area.
Psychologist
A clinical or counselling psychologist listens to your child’s story to understand the full picture. Psychologists are trained to explore why a child or young person’s mental health may be affected and work collaboratively with them and their family.
They usually offer regular talking therapy sessions to support better mental health. Talking therapy gives a young person a space to work through difficulties together with the psychologist. Options for depression in children include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and compassion focused therapy (CFT).
A psychologist may work in the NHS, for example as part of CAMHS, or independently. You can find one through AChiPPP, the Association of Child Psychologists in Private Practice.
Psychiatrist
A psychiatrist is a medical doctor with additional training in mental health who can diagnose depression.
Psychiatrists can prescribe medication, including antidepressants. They may assess which service is suitable for a child showing risky behaviours.
Antidepressants are not commonly prescribed to under-16s in the UK. They can have difficult side effects and don’t address the root cause of depression, but prescription medication may sometimes help a child feel better and access other support.
A&E or emergency GP appointment
If your child has harmed themselves, or is at immediate risk, seek urgent medical help. A mental health crisis needs prompt attention, but not every difficult patch is a crisis.
Depending on the circumstances, dial 999 in the UK, take your child to A&E (accident and emergency), or call your GP surgery and explain your urgent concerns.
If you’re supporting a child through a difficult time, small, steady steps can make such a difference. Pick the strategies which fit best with your family.
Frequently Asked Questions
A child may become withdrawn, lose interest in activities, make negative comments about themselves or seem more irritable or defiant. These signs can have different causes, so talk to your GP if you’re concerned or the feelings are affecting your child’s life.
Low mood can be a temporary response to difficult events, while clinical depression is a serious condition involving persistent symptoms that affect everyday life. A doctor can assess your child and advise on appropriate support.
Offer extra understanding and connection, and help your child make time for enjoyable activities, gentle movement and positive contact with friends. Encourage them to talk or express themselves creatively, without pressuring them to share more than they’re ready to.
Speak to your doctor if you’re worried about your child’s mood, especially if it persists or affects school, relationships or activities. If your child has harmed themselves or is at immediate risk, seek urgent medical help.
Dr Lucy Russell is a UK clinical psychologist and Clinical Director of Everlief Child Psychology. She qualified as a clinical psychologist from Oxford University in 2005 and worked in the National Health Service for many years before moving fully into her leadership and writing roles.
In 2019 Lucy launched They Are The Future, a support website for parents of school-aged children. Through TATF Lucy is passionate about giving practical, manageable strategies to parents and children who may otherwise struggle to find the support they need.
Lucy lives with her family, rescue cats and dog, and also fosters cats through a local animal welfare charity. She loves singing in a vocal harmony group and spending time in nature.
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