What To Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied
When you’re wondering what to do when your child is being bullied, it’s hard to think about anything else. You may feel furious, upset or unsure where to start. I’d begin by listening and reassuring your child: this isn’t their fault, and you’ll help them work out what to do next.
You don’t need all the answers yet. Let your child know you’re glad they told you.
Key takeaways
- Listen without blame and keep a record of incidents.
- Contact the school early, read its anti-bullying policy and agree a safety and follow-up plan.
- Support your child’s confidence at home while adults work to stop the bullying.
- Seek mental health support when distress persists or affects everyday life.
How bullying can affect your child
Bullying includes physical harm, verbal bullying such as repeated name-calling and threats, as well as humiliation and deliberate exclusion. Online messages can be harmful too. The NSPCC explains different types of bullying.
Repeated bullying (sometimes called peer victimisation) can knock your child’s confidence and affect their mental health. Bullying at school may lead to anxiety, low mood or symptoms of post-traumatic stress. If you’re worried about emotional scars, remember that support can help your child feel safe and confident again.
Understanding the behaviour: Why do kids bully others?
Some children bully to feel powerful; others join in because of peer pressure. Neither excuses it. Children need parental guidance, and schools need to teach kindness and respect as well as deal with individual incidents.
Think about what would help your child talk to you. An autistic child, for example, might prefer somewhere quiet or need help putting events in order. Help with social skills can be useful, but your child hasn’t caused the bullying.
First, listen and gather a clear picture
Try not to fire questions at your child, even if you’re desperate to understand. A gentle “What happened next?” may help them tell you more.
You might say, “I can see why that upset you. I’m glad you told me.” You can comfort them while you’re still finding out what happened.
Keep a simple incident record
- The date, time and place.
- What was said or done, in your child’s words.
- Who was involved and whether anyone witnessed it.
- How your child felt and any injuries or damaged belongings.
- Your contact with school staff and the actions agreed.
Note changes in sleep, mood or attendance too. They don’t prove bullying, but help explain your concerns. Keep relevant online messages or screenshots.
How to tell bullying from banter
With bullying, a child is often repeatedly singled out and feels unable to stop it. With banter, everyone should be enjoying the joke. If your child feels hurt or afraid to ask someone to stop, I’d take that seriously.
Ask how often it happens and whether your child can leave or get help. A disagreement may need conflict resolution. If someone keeps targeting your child, adults need to step in.
Racist, homophobic or other prejudiced comments are never acceptable, even when they’re called a joke. Ask the school what it will do about them and how it teaches respect for differences.
I’ve found it really helpful to share this video with children.
What to do when your child is being bullied: support at home
Help them settle
I’d start with emotional support rather than lots of advice. A cuddle, a favourite film together or a few slow breaths may help your child settle. Simple coping strategies can help when talking feels too much.
Protect their confidence
Help your child keep seeing friends and doing things they enjoy. One simple confidence building tip is to notice something specific: “You were kind to your friend today.” Let them choose tonight’s film or help plan the weekend. Kidscape has ideas you can try together.
You can also find friendship resources through Kidscape. If your child wants to, assertiveness training can help them practise saying “Stop” or asking an adult for help. They shouldn’t feel it’s their job to stop the bullying.
Offer realistic hope
Try, “We’ll work out the next step together.” Your child shouldn’t have to change who they are. Helping them feel confident doesn’t mean expecting them to put up with bullying.
How to work with your child’s school
Don’t wait to contact the class teacher, form tutor or head of year about bullying at school. Take your notes with you and read the school’s anti-bullying policy beforehand.
Make a bullying response plan together
- Who can your child go to when they’re worried?
- Who will keep an eye on places where incidents happen?
- Could friendship support at school, mentoring or a buddy system help?
- How will staff keep you updated?
- When will you meet again to check whether things have improved?
Ask who acts as the safeguarding officer; in England, this is usually the designated safeguarding lead (DSL). Schools have a statutory duty to safeguard children. A school counsellor or pastoral lead may offer additional support. Don’t expect your child to use physical self-defence to stop the bullying.
If the school response isn’t working
If things aren’t improving, tell the headteacher. Follow the school’s complaints procedure; the next step varies between schools. Kidscape’s parent advice resources can help you prepare for a difficult conversation.
What to do about cyberbullying
If the bullying is happening online, your child still needs your reassurance. There are some practical things you can do together:
- Save the hurtful messages, dates and account details before blocking.
- Report the account or content to the platform.
- Review privacy settings together.
- Tell the school when pupils are involved, even if it happened outside school.
Try not to take their phone away as your first response. Your child may feel they’ve been punished for telling you. If they’ve been physically hurt, get them somewhere safe, arrange adult supervision and seek medical attention if needed. Don’t tell them to fight back.
When to seek extra support
Changes in mood or everyday life
If your child is still struggling, feels worse or isn’t sleeping, eating or coping with school, speak to your doctor. Anxiety, low mood and post-traumatic stress related to bullying may need professional mental health support. The NHS guidance on anxiety in children explains when to get help.
If your child is in immediate danger or you cannot keep them safe, call 999 or go to A&E. Contact the police if you believe a crime has taken place.
If your child is avoiding school
Does your child feel sick before school or say they can’t face going? Bullying at school can lead to emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA). Tell the school promptly and talk through what would help your child feel safer.
Sometimes changing schools is best. Can the new school give your child what they need? Please don’t see a move as a failure, either yours or your child’s.
Support for parents
Use your support network too. Ask a friend to come to a school meeting or talk things through with you. In the UK, Kidscape offers bullying advice for both parents and children, and the National Bullying Helpline provides information about bullying at school and online.
Frequently asked questions
Listen calmly, reassure them it isn’t their fault, record what happened and agree which trusted adult can help.
Yes. Share your concerns early and agree a response plan with a named contact and review date.
Update your incident record, contact the headteacher and follow the school’s complaints procedure.
Ask what feels unsafe, tell the school promptly and agree safety measures and support for returning to learning.
Simple coping strategies can help: keep routines familiar, spend time together and make room for things your child enjoys. Notice their strengths. They don’t have to become tougher to deserve feeling safe.
Adults need to help with both. Online, save evidence and block and report the account. If your child has been physically hurt, get them somewhere safe and check any injuries.
Speak to your doctor if your child keeps struggling, feels worse or isn’t coping with everyday life. Get urgent help if you can’t keep them safe.
Ask whether everyone finds it funny and feels able to say “Stop”. Repeated targeting or a power imbalance suggests bullying rather than shared joking.
Dr Lucy Russell is a UK clinical psychologist and Clinical Director of Everlief Child Psychology. She qualified as a clinical psychologist from Oxford University in 2005 and worked in the National Health Service for many years before moving fully into her leadership and writing roles.
In 2019 Lucy launched They Are The Future, a support website for parents of school-aged children. Through TATF Lucy is passionate about giving practical, manageable strategies to parents and children who may otherwise struggle to find the support they need.
Lucy lives with her family, rescue cats and dog, and also fosters cats through a local animal welfare charity. She loves singing in a vocal harmony group and spending time in nature.
